Obsession or Discenment?

+JMJ

When is the discernment of religious life, not discernment of religious life? This has been a question that I have been asking myself rather recently, and I have found myself pondering on it lately. I have seen a great number of young girls who have been discerning the religious life. Many of them are in high school or college, with a few beyond that even. I have seen several that thought they had a call, but have decided that it should not be further sought after for one reason or another. I have also seen, on the other hand, many young ladies who have become obsessed with religious life and becoming a Sister. Now, it is very good to have a desire for the religious life and have interest in it, but it is not healthy to have an obsession with it, just as it is not healthy to have an obsession with anything. Holy things are good, but an obsession is not healthy, and is really a great hindrance to becoming holy.

How can you tell the difference from true discernment of religious life from obsession? It is not easy to decipher either, unless you are spiritually mature. First, we must seek the Kingdom to find where the King desires us to be in His Kingdom. In these matters, I can speak from my own experience. Now, it really has not been until recently that I have felt some maturation of my soul. I would not even dare to say that my soul is totally mature even, but step by step, it is ascending.

Until quite recently, I have been an immature, and somewhat obsessed soul in discerning the religious life. I was there for the praise sometimes that I would get. Now, it was good holy praise, but if taken in and fed to the ego, it is no longer holy. For example, a friend would ask if I was still thinking about becoming a nun, and I would simply reply yes. They would say things like "Good!" "We'll be praying for you!" "That's great!" and the like. Now, not that any of these things are bad things to say, but if not taken with great humility, these bits of sugar feed the ego until it is inflated and one becomes very proud of their 'special' calling.

Now, do not get me wrong here. The call to the religious life is a precious and unique call! It truly is a special and very sacred thing to behold! It must be something revered like Mary's call was revered. How many people knew of her miraculous calling to be the Mother of God? Very few indeed! Her most chaste spouse, St. Joseph, surely knew as we are told this in the Scriptures. Elizabeth knew as well, for God had revealed it to her. They were told as to give glory to God. It was revealed only to those that needed to in God's great plan of salvation. Jesus Himself did not reveal the greatness of his mother on earth. Likewise, our calling needs to be protected and revered. Our calling is a great gift from God and ought not to be misused.

Still, there are more signs of obsession. One of which that I have seen in many young women, along with myself, is a desire to know as many Sisters and communities as possible, and when in conversation show off this knowledge of communities. Now, it is one thing if someone is asking for information or if anyone has been there and there is a response to that in the spirit of informing another. But if one thinks the more Religious they know makes them more knowledgeable about religious life in general and will speak only about 'their' community, it can be that pride has snuck into your calling. This matter though, is still touchy and can vary from case to case, as I am not totally done thinking about the matters discussed above.

Along the same lines as above though, is that once one finds a community that God is leading them towards, suddenly, without even enterance or acceptance to the community, they find themselves to be part of the community. If the community is Franciscan, suddenly, they are Franciscan too! They must only read Franciscan books and about Franciscan Saints! Oh! They must now find a favorite Franciscan Saint! Now, they must get Franciscan things! Medals, jewelry, statues, holy cards, books! They must get to know every Franciscan they see, or even seek them out, and let them know that they too will be a Franciscan! There is just so much, and they must immerse themselves in it all! Surely, does this not sound obsessive, even to the common man? Discerning the religious life calls us to detachment, not attachment. We must continue to grow spiritually. We cannot limit ourselves to one spirituality of one order or community. Is anyone ever really truly Franciscan then? Yes. When one enters the order. But, through and through, we must first seek to become holy. Becoming one order or another does not effect how holy we are. Our human tastes like to take over and we find ourselves full of pride. How many religious have you met that take great pride in being one order or another? Sure, they will talk about how wonderful and holy the Saints of the order are and that the spirituality is beautiful, but all Saints are holy and wonderful and things that lead you close to Christ are beautiful, too. But there is no pride. To be holy, one must conquer pride.

Now, I am not saying it is not good to seek holy things in life, but we must seek them maturely and with great spiritual discernment and detachment. Great things come when the soul is mature. There are many other thoughts about this subject that have still yet to be thought about and considered. There are a great number of delicacies in this matter and need to be handled with care. I do not mean to upset anyone with my words, but please take them with a grain of humility and self-reflection. I too am guilty of committing these faults in my discernment. Please pray for me, and for holy and fervent priests and religious. God bless you all abundantly!

Lord, Thy Will Be Done!