..::Blessed Be God::..

+JMJ

Well... I am in a state of mortal sin. Why? Becuase I did not think the Saturday Vigil Mass "good enough". Vigil Mass is WAY better than no Mass at all. Pride stinks. Hopefully it will not be long before I make it to confession, and it looks like it may be Tuesday either in the morning, or later in the evening. If one doesn't work, the other should. Thank God for His Mercy, but now I get to writhe in the pain my own sin has given me. Let this be a time for penance and mortifications.

You know, the pain of being in mortal sin hasn't struck me until just now. This morning, I felt no urge on pain of spiritual death to make it to Mass. I took at least an hour in the shower, which I didn't start until about 10 when the latest Mass starts at 11. After that I just did whatever. I dried my hair, I dilly-dallied in getting dressed, and when I did it was jeans. I could have told my mom I was going to wait until the Youth Mass later that night, but again decided I would feel awfully silly going to that Mass as well. So I didn't say anything. I could have made it to the 5:15 Mass at a parish nearby my school, but I decided that I would end up not being able to visit my grandpa, which I spent most of my time playing in the snow with my little sister. I had no difference in what I did.

Well, confession will be as soon as I can get it! That will hopefully be in a day or two. Perhaps I will also get up in time to also go to Mass, even if I cannot recieve. What a dark state my soul has fallen into.

..::Praised Be Jesus Christ::..

You know, I was planning on letting another month slip by before I made another entry, then I thought that I should update a little more often than once a month. Well, come the 8th, Feast of the Immaculate Conception, I will be consecrating myself to Our Lady! I also have a final tomorrow and about a million drawings I have to get done by Thursday as well. So much to do, and seeming so little time to do it in! I am also working on a little bit of 'research' or rather a letter concerning Pride, one of the capital sins. I also have another letter from Mother Mary Regina AND the Sisters! I just adore hearing from them! But it is so late and I must be getting off to bed! God Bless and Mary Protect!

..::Blessed Be God Forever::..

The Golden Arrow
May the most holy, most sacred, most adorable, most mysterious and unutterable Name of God be always praised, blessed, loved, adored and glorified in heaven, on earth, and under the earth, by all the creatures of God, and by the Sacred Heart of our Lord Jesus Christ in the most Holy Sacrament of the altar. Amen.

This prayer was revealed by Our Lord to a Carmelite Nun of Tours in 1843 as a reparation for blasphemy. "This Golden Arrow will wound My Heart delightfully," He said, "and heal the wounds inflicted by blasphemy." Imprimatur: T. J. Toolen, Archbishop of Mobile-Birm.

..::Praised Be Jesus Christ::..

I did receive a letter before the last time I posted! I was going to scan it and some other stuff happened, and I just recieved another letter today! It was a wonderful letter! Also since my last entry, Sister Mary Catherine of the Holy Spirit passed away on the 7th of October. Please pray for the repose of her soul! Hopefully next weekend I will be in Rockford visiting the Poor Clares over the weekend. I am wiped, but I am going to read for my Lit class until I fall asleep. God Bless and Mary Protect!

..::Blessed Be God::..

I cannot remember if Mother Mary Regina has sent me another letter or not, but I did just write her and I will hopefully be visiting the weekend of the 28th.  Not too much has happened in recent, but I am discovering a hate for sin that just disgusts me of how much it is everywhere, especially in my life.  I am appalled at the things I do that so offence Our Lord!  Even the tiniest bit of ingratitude bends me with sorrow that I should do such a thing to my Beloved.  How I wish I could amend all my sins against Him.  How I wish I could love Him in entirety with everything I have so that I may die of love having given every last part of myself to Him.  I pray that God may bless me with fortitude so that I may live so boldly, but ever so humbly.

How much I take for granted.  A friend, who is like a spring in a dry barren wasteland, flows forth with joy, purity, and good things.  I spurn it, yet long for it.  I overtake it and require too much of it.  A friend like this I should not do so to.  She is a wonderful blessing that shows me that there is hope and that the barren wasteland is truly not like hell.  I long for her presence that I may have such deep and encouraging conversations that nourish the soul, even if it may be a short bit of nourishment.  When I have a chance to talk with her, she is most kind and patient and honest.  She is a role model and a holy person, but in a simple everyday kind of living.  She is a true blessing that bring some of the best out of me, things that have remained unsaid, but longed to come out.

Again, I take for granted so much.  This computer I use to for so many things, I have not given thanks for.  For the clothing that I have and all the shoes to cover my feet.  For the soap that keeps me looking clean.  Even the hairs on my head and the eyes in my skull.  All of it I have taken for granted!  All of it!  Lord, may my praise be in my sorrowful tears.  You have given me so much!  So very much indeed!  But how does your servant repay you?  With nothing but the occasional joyful sigh.  I want to bestow you with wonderful glistening thanksgiving and praise!  You deserve all that I have and I deserve nothing, not even to live!  But you have given me yet this grace to live and to journey to find you!  I take this sacred journey the most for granted!  I am a poor wretched soul and I only make myself in worse shape by not giving You, Lord, everything!  All that I am and all that I have!  You are my all!  You are my everything!  I even take you for granted!  I weep bitterly to think that I may have caused You such torment, such suffering, such bitter sorrow.  I deserve not Your love, but Your wrath.  But here comes Your grace.  You come down to me, and continually fill me until I am full!  You look past my faults and my fallings and love me with such a sweet and perfect love.  You love me so immensely!  Your love wells me with joy, my heart illuminates and glows in Your presence, that it may live there forever.  But in this love, in this light of love, You show me the darkness within me.  The bitter and wretched parts that I have only put there.  You show them to me, not to condemn, but to heal.  That I may come to You with a complete and contrite heart and clean myself, dispose of my wretchedness.  You set my heart aglow.  I seem to loose myself in a love so deep, so immense, so unfathomable.  How I wish I could dwell there forever.  You, Lord, have sent me neither to be a mystic nor to be a great and powerful person.  Rather, You send me to do the simplest things to make sure that the little details are cared for, and that all is well.  You call me to live out in Your love, but it is hard with the evil one distracting whenever he pleases.  Lord, You give me strength enough to face it all, but I alone must choose to accept Your divine assistance, I must be the one to choose to follow You.

..::Praised Be Jesus Christ::..

I got another letter today from Mother Mary Regina! Hoorah! There is not much to talk about today, but I really should be getting to work on my homework for class tomorrow! Here's the letter she sent:

..::Blessed Be God::..

"Dear God, please don't let me be too hungry or too thirsty. Help me to please my mother. And help me to please you."
Prayer of Saint Germaine

What a simple little prayer of a simple little Saint. I wish to make this my prayer too, especially in these days where I am trying so hard to please my mother so that I can prove myself mature to her and hopefully enter the Cloister within a year.

Dear God, please don’t let me be too hungry or too thirsty. Help me to please my mother. And help me to please You.
Amen.

..::Praised Be Jesus Christ::..

Well, I finally have scanned in the latest letter from Mother Mary Regina! It had been some time since I had last written her, so she was sending an update. I have already written her back and sent it to her, so I cannot share my half of the correspondence!

The article in the paper she is talking was online, but it is currently on my xanga. The pictures from the article can be found here. And just for you all, I'll repost the article here as well!

A day within the walls -- Lessons learned from behind the grate at the Poor Clare Monastery
(8/26/2005)
By Bridget Kagan, Observer Intern

When I began working at The Observer back in May I learned that my first big assignment of the summer was to do a feature article on the Poor Clare nuns.

Up until this point, my knowledge of the Poor Clares had been pieced together by what I had learned growing up in Catholic schools and the field trip I took to their monastery as a fifth grader. They have always been a mystery to me. As a 20 year old college student who is just beginning to experience life, their cloistered lifestyle was a concept I could never grasp.

After all, the youngest sister at the convent is 33 years old, what could I possibly have in common with these women?

What compels these 22 women to remove themselves from the outside world? What is it about this lifestyle that could possibly be so appealing?

Despite my personal skepticism, I approached the story with an open mind, interested to learn more about their lifestyle.

In addition to the interviews I had with Mother Regina, the abbess, about their way of life, I had the unique opportunity to spend time with the sisters inside their private world and observe cloistered life first-hand.

When I arrived at the monastery and followed Mother Regina into the sisters’ private chapel, I immediately felt self-conscious and out of place. I suddenly felt as though I did not measure up to these pious women. Despite Mother Regina’s urging to take all the pictures I needed, I was reluctant to do so.

I felt as though I was trespassing and somehow robbing them of their private lifestyle. I timidly took a few shots from the back of the chapel where I was out of sight but I soon realized the pictures I was taking were not going to cut it. Reluctantly, I walked around to the front of the room trying to get more dynamic shots. I managed to successfully avoid all forms of eye-contact with the sisters. All I wanted was to take my pictures and do my best to blend into the background.

Following chapel, I visited a novitiate class and as I listened to one of the veteran sisters instruct three of the newer ones I was struck by the familiarity of the lesson.They discussed the importance of living according to the beatitudes. It was not much different from the many theology lessons I have had in my own Catholic education. I was pleasantly surprised to discover their lesson was comprised of very practical, very basic Christian rules that we are all called to follow in our daily lives.
As I observed and photographed the class, snapping pictures right alongside me was another of the veteran sisters. She explained that they rarely get many photos, and she was gladly taking advantage of this opportunity for them to get some of their own.

As I left the tutoring session I realized my nervousness was beginning to dissipate and by the time I was escorted into the kitchen I finally felt relaxed.

The sisters on duty were washing dishes and preparing a meal. I was met with big smiles and cheerful greetings when I entered. One of the sisters had a surprisingly empowering voice. She was outgoing and bubbly — exactly the opposite of what I had imagined. I immediately felt a connection wither her and as they worked, we chatted like old friends.

While the tone of the day was more relaxed as usual, because of my visit, Mother Regina said they still make regular time-usually an hour-for social time and community. I marveled at the comradery among the sisters, the way they interacted with me as well as with each other.

Not only did they talk quite a bit I discovered, but they laughed, joked, and even teased each other good-naturedly, just like any other group of friends might do.

We talked about knitting and the hot weather, which has been more burdensome than ever for the sisters who do-without the luxury of air conditioning.

They use much of their recreation time to work on the crafts they sell to help support themselves.

The sisters run a small gift shop where they sell handmade rosaries, prayer cards, and infant of Prague statues, in addition to religious medals, books, and figurines. The little revenue that the shop produces is the only self-generated income the sisters receive. They are solely dependent upon the goodwill of others.

Following recreation time, I was taken to an upstairs office where one of the sisters was handling the correspondence and fielding the many daily calls they receive which are mostly for prayer requests. She had a delightfully ironic sense of humor and I could not help but laugh as she described some of the more “unusual” requests they receive.

Next, in the much-cooler basement, I watched the sisters bake and prepare the altar bread they send to various churches.

They also showed me the boiler, which they clean and maintain themselves.

In addition to their everyday housework, the sisters also attend to their entire 15 acre grounds which include a greenhouse, large vegetable garden, and hundreds of flowers.

Most remarkable and beautiful of all is the small forest the sisters have created in the back of their property. In 1997 the sisters began planting 2000 trees in honor of the millennium. Now, more than six years later, the canopy of trees forms a peaceful refuge in the middle of southwest Rockford.

As we walked inside after seeing the gardens, I watched as some of the sisters played with their dogs Melody and Harmony two of the many pets the sisters keep. They also have two cats named Brooklyn and Manhattan and two baby ducks Sugar and Spice, they have been raising since they were abandoned this spring.

When I left the Poor Clares monastery that afternoon I realized how wrong my assumptions had been about their lifestyle. Not only did I understand them better after my visit, but I felt as though I identified with them as well.
Some people choose medicine, law, or education as a career.

The women of the Poor Clares choose prayer.
I have come to understand that they are simply living their lives the best way they know and in a manner that glorifies God and makes them happy.

It’s not for everyone, as Mother Regina told me at our first interview, but it’s what works for them.

God Bless and Mary Protect you all!

..::Blessed Be God::..

May the peace and joy of Christ be with you always! I have returned from several months of nothing. I am pleased to say that I was at World Youth Day, and during the pilgrimage, made a stop in Assisi and knew that I was meant to be a Franciscan! Praised be Jesus Christ! I had a beautiful time with many wonderful and blessed people! I wish I could write more and share some photos, but I do not have much time now that school has started.

I have recently written Mother Mary Regina after she had sent me a letter along with a newspaper clipping from the article in the Diocean Newspaper about the Nuns. I loved it! I did write her a 6 page letter back because she had asked about my WYD experience. I could have easily wrote more if I had included many many more details! On experience was waiting an hour in line to go to Adoration at the Vigil Site. My friend Britt and I were pushed and squeezed in a line , mostly surrounded by French people and some Sisters, including a few Carmelites. It was quite warm for the most part. Oh, there are so many other stories I could tell of what happened while we were there.

I just hope that there will be an opportunity soon to visit Mother Abbess and the Nuns again! I do miss them dreadfully! I think one weekend I will leave on Friday after class to head out on an hour and fifteen minute car trip and spend the weekend. I could either return Sunday evening or Monday morning. I'd love to stay until Monday morning. I think I will have to call up Mother Abbess and discuss some plans for visiting! I really miss seeing them! I miss the chapel and I miss the Divine Office and the beautifully sung Masses. :sigh: All for Jesus!

I think that before I enter the Cloister, I will make a week long pilgrimage to Assisi (again! I love that city!) with my youth minister, as it is a tradition to take the youth minister somewhere nice before one enters. Last time, when my friend Melinda entered the Sisters of Charity, they were in Hawaii for a while. I don't think I could stand Hawaii... I'd rather go for something like Assisi or going around to all the Shrines and such nearby Rome. Lourdes or Fatima or any other apparition site would be beautiful as well! I think I am thinking much too far ahead, and not at all in a spirit of poverty, one of the vows I will embrace.

Well, blessings to you all, whoever may still be reading this log of vocational status! And, if anyone can help, I am looking for a confessor! God Bless and Mary Protect you always!

Yours in the Most Sacred Hearts,
Angela Louise

..::Praised Be Jesus Christ::..

Here are some pictures from Corpus Christi Monastery. This is hopefully where I will be in about a year! Just here to the left is a bird's eye view of the monastery and part of the grounds. sorry about the dark line in the middle, the picture was scanned from a book on Sister Mary of the Trinity, Poor Clare of Jerusalem.

The next picture are the chapels. The one on the right is the public chapel and on the left, the cloister chapel for the Sisters. If you look at the monsterance and the "keyhole" that it is in, it can be viewed in both chapels at the same time because the altars are back to back. I believe that the chapel itself was built in 1919.

Next we have Liturgy of the Hours and the cross form prayer which is done daily (I think twice daily!) for a few minutes, but I cannot remember if it is after or before the examination of concience.

Next we have the cell and the library. In the picture from the library you can see they do not wear shoes, and if you can read the bit at the bottom, it explains they only wear shoes outdoors when working.

Next, we have some celebrations! Investiture! The little Postulant clothes herself in the Holy Habit of the Poor Clares! It also looks like that new Novice is the Novice Mistress now... At least that is what it looks like.

This last picture speaks for itself, no other words are needed from me! God Bless and Mary Protect!

..::Blessed Be God::..

Well, it seems as though nothing has happened here in a month or so. Well, my scanner is not hooked up and hasn't for over a month now. I don't know if it ever will any time this summer. But I did get to go to Sister Mary Veronica's First Profession Ceremony and it was beautiful! I only had expected to stay for Mass and then say hello to Sister afterwards, but Mother Mary Regina wanted me to hang around a little longer to chat. I did have a chat with Sister Dominica, the Novice Mistress. She is absolutely wonderful and what I would expect a nun to be! We talked about camping and the Franciscan places in Italy and Germany for when I go to World Youth Day. Sister Dominica was so excited to tell me about all the places and I want to go visit them all!

Well, in case anyone has been wondering when I would be entering, I am sure hoping it is not after I graduate from college. I really do long to enter next summer, July if possible. Thing is that my mother is so against me leaving at that time. She is set on me finishing college, even though college wasn't what I wanted to do. I even picked my major thinking, "What will allow me to help support my community?" I thought art simply because I am pretty okay at it and I could somehow use that to help the community. Honestly, I wouldn't mind if I rarely got a chance to use my artistic skills.

Recently, I thought I had mailed out a letter to Mother Abbess, but it turns out I hadn't and I cannot mail it until Tuesday! I think I might be stopping by the Post Office to get it off to a quick start! That is about all for now, I just pray that St. Anthony will watch my vocation and pray for me! God Bless and Mary Protect!

..::Praised Be Jesus Christ::..

So, lately I have been thinking about what name I would take as a Sister, and I was trying to think of Saints that have played a role somewhere in my life. I have some up with quite a few, so I might as well share the list that I have so far! Also, I wish to honor Our Blessed Mother with my name, so all my choices will begin as Sister Mary ... So, here is the list of what I have come up with so far. I will most likely explain the relevance of the Saint later as I do not have much time to spend explaining them all right now.

• Sister Mary Helen
• Sister Mary Leo
• Sister Mary Ambrose (actually, this one just sounded pretty to me)
• Sister Mary Luke
• Sister Mary Andrew
• Sister Mary Therese (or Teresa)
• Sister Mary Louise (can I take my middle name as my name I wonder...)

Ha ha... I will definatly have to shorten this list quite a bit before I enter! Also, there is the matter of the title that I will take along with my name. I have a few ideas, but the first few are my favorites based on my favorite devotions.

• of the Passion
• of the Precious Blood
• of the Five Wounds
• of the Sacred Heart

Now, the choice of the name I choose is not up to me at all, rather it is left up to Mother Abess who will make the choice from a few names and titles that I will suggest to her along with reasoning. But even with that, she may choose something entirely different from what I have suggested to her! It is all in God's hands though, and I must rely on Him rather than myself even in such trivial matters as these.

..::Blessed Be God::..

Couldn't tell you how these two relate, but in my mind they did. It all clicked last November... it was a wet, rainy night. The ground was soaked, and so the worms all came out onto the pavement so they wouldn't drown. So, I arrived about an hour earlier for a meeting at my home parish, St. Margaret Mary's, and I decided to go into the chapel and pray. It was a wonderful half hour before the Lord hidden within the Tabernacle. After time had passed and I needed to get on over to the meeting, so I genuflected and left. I felt so insipred and full of love.

Then I started to look at the ground, and I noticed that there were worms all over the sidewalk, so I made a challange to avoid the worms as though they were temptations and sins. So I avoided as many as I could, it was very easy to do so in the light (When walking with Christ in His light), but when shaded and darker patches came, it was hard to see if there were any worms (Shade--not being in the light of God). Then things started to connect, simply, it is much easier to see your faults and sins when you are in the light of God, but it is much harder to see when you turn away and become darker, and if you don't look down as to where you are going on the path of life, you don't notice then sins, even if you do run into them.

Later on after I was safely inside and futher pondering on my thoughts of worms, a friend of mine came in talking about how her daughter was outside picking up the worms off the sidewalk so that others wouldn't step on them, or "run into them". Suddenly, I thought, "If only avoiding sin was enough! But to clear the path for others to follow behind you!" It was such an interesting idea to me, and it grew on me. And then, not to be afraid to encounter temptation, but to handle temptations with care, and throw them off to the side. It really clicked. Simple, yet profound.

..::Praised Be Jesus Christ::..

I received another letter from Mother Mary Regina, but my scanner is packed up to go home, so you won't see it until I set the scanner up again! But also along with the letter was in invitation to the Ceremony of the First Profession of Vows of Sister Mary Veronica of the Holy Eucharist! Tuesday, May 31st, the Feast of the Visitation, at 8am, I believe that myself and my friend Michelle will be going for a visit and to visit for a short time with the newly professed! I think it will be a wonderful event to witness!
I previously met Sister Mary Veronica when I visited the Poor Clare Colettines. She was so upbeat and humorous. She was rather cute too. It was a lovely visit and I got to stay in the basement. It was a very nice little room, but I was woken up at about 4:30 every morning by the pipes banging (they still use steam heat). Nonetheless, it was a very fruitful visit and I had a wonderful time with the Sisters, and I didn't want to leave to go home! In fact, I cried leaving! I don't remember the last time I cried because I had to leave someplace.
That is about all for now, I'll be sure to scan the letter and the invitation as well! And maybe if I need to make more entries, I'll scan some older letters from Mother Mary Regina. God Bless and Mary Protect!

.::Blessed Be God::..

Here is the latest letter that I recieved from Mother Mary Regina. It has been quite a long time since I have written her! But she sent this nearly a month ago and I have yet to write her back. She is very wise and has given excellent advice as well in response to my last letter, but I can barely recall what I wrote in that.


Untill next time, God Bless and Mary Protect!

..::Praised Be Jesus Christ::..

Another fine day here, except for the fact that I am becoming an insomniac! I didn't sleep a wink last night and I am getting ready to take a nap so I don't completely crash later, considering we have a floor meeting tonight for rules about moving out of the dorms. Plus, I think I have Bible Study tonight!

Tic tacs sure make a great snack. I think I just about devoured a whole container in a matter of 5 minutes. But they were tasty! I have a collection started with 7 empty containers. Not much else to talk about I guess. There was a very nice little thunderstorm that rolled through here at about 6:30 in the morning. It set a car alarm off at least three times. I've also been listening to Dvorak, and nothing but. I think he is a really great composer, and I'd have to say my favorite! I really like his "Stabat Mater" and "From the New World." They are both quite lovely!

Well, I only have two days of classes left and then I am stuck with a week of finals! Monday is our reading day, Tuesday I have my painting critique and my introduction to multimedia critique (gotta love being an art major and not having to take a bunch of tests as a final!). Wednesday is my Biblical Studies final exam and Thursday is my Search for Humane Values in Literature final exam. And last but not least, Friday I have my psychology exam. I have this funny feeling that I am not going to be doing well in my Search for Humane Values in Literature class. I think I'll be lucky to make out with a C!

I'll have to start scanning some of the letters that Mother Mary Regina sent me. I would share my previous letters, but alas, I no longer have them! Mother Mary Regina does!
Oh, and can anyone chip in a few dollars to help me get to World Youth Day? I know I need to at least get part of the $2,279.69 I still owe. I also need to get items to take along with me for the pilgrimage parts and other things! With my youth ministry, we are going to Rome, Assisi, Munich, and the Cologne. It will be such a wonderful experience! I cannot wait for it to come along! In fact, this reminds me, I need to start journaling for some spiritual preperation! Perhaps I will leave some of that in here for your enjoyment! I think that is all for now because I am going to finally take that nap I've been wanting to take since 2! God Bless and Mary Protect!

..::Blessed Be God::..

A day of feeling out of it and carefree... And I really should be buckling down for this last week of classes before finals! I want to at least get B's in my classes!

Alas, this is not my first blog, no infact I have another on blog drive and one over on xanga... Each has its own characteristic feature. My xanga is random Catholic stuff along with some art and the blog drive one is following my vocational discernment. This blog here, I will make into a blog for daily happenings along with some vocational things. One thing in particular I want to do is document my correspondence with the Poor Clare Colettines, which I hope to enter in just over a year, after I finish my sophmore year in college.

Well, this isn't the sort of thing I should be doing so close to the end of the school year when there is still lots of work to be done! I do bid farewell for now, and hopefully I will again return and share some of my happenings and maybe some letters from Mother Mary Regina. God Bless and Mary Protect!